


I'm not him

by OhDearLoki



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Childhood Friends, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Hurt Loki (Marvel), Jealous!Loki, Jealousy, Loki (Marvel) Feels, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:35:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26271961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OhDearLoki/pseuds/OhDearLoki
Summary: You’re an old friend of the princes and after a long absence, you come back to Asgard. Loki’s always been in love with you, but things seemed to have changed.
Relationships: Loki (Marvel) & Reader, Loki (Marvel)/Reader
Kudos: 88





	I'm not him

Loki hasn’t always been this cold and full of anger young man that he was now. He seemed to be a happy child back in the days. He had an inseparable brother, a loving father, and a mother as gentle as the caress of a feather. But it seemed like an eternity has spent, thought Loki, as he was watching his brother training with his magic hammer through the window. 

Since his brother heard he was becoming King one day, he and his father didn’t pay any attention to the second prince of Asgard. Since that day, Loki was living in the shadow of a brother always stronger, smarter and wiser than him, and in pursuit of the love of a father, that was already forgetting his name. Loki hadn’t understood this sudden difference in behaviour. Wasn’t he supposed to love his children? He had the bitter sensation of disappearing… 

He liked to console himself by thinking that he’ll get used to it, but how can he ever get used to the absence of a father and the presence of a brother that constantly remind him that he’s not enough? Groaning of frustration in front of the pure joy of Thor when he beat all of his opponents, Loki decided to go back to his book which was far more interesting. His days were usually passing by like this, alone with a book. 

However, his reading was disturbed minutes later when Thor came into the room with a big noise. His tranquillity gone, Loki raised his head in direction of his brother, showing a mask of annoyance and tiredness. 

“Thor…” He declared. 

“Brother! You’ll never know what Father just told me!” Thor exclaimed, more than happy. 

“That you were becoming King? Oh, wait… We already all know that.” The younger said with sarcasm. 

“Very funny, brother,” Thor laughed, not getting the sarcasm. “But it’s not that, it’s even more pleasing.” 

More pleasing that Thor being King? Loki’s curiosity perked up and he paid more attention to what his big brother was saying. 

“You got me.” 

“It’s Y/N! She’s coming back!” 

The shock was grand for Loki, which didn’t except such news. If Loki was feeling alone now, he never was when he was a kid because you were always there for him. You were his best friend, him, Thor and you formed the perfect trio. 

At 4 years old, you were playing together in Loki’s room. At 10, he taught you his best tricks and pranks and you were always pulling them together on the royal court. At 16, you were spending your days either in the library, reading or in the garden, talking. If Thor was searching one of you, he was sure to find the other too. When you became teen, Loki saw his feelings for you growing at the same pace your beauty and intelligence grew. It was evident for him that you were always together and that someday, he’ll marry you. 

Alas, life decided other ways. Well, Odin decided other ways. Indeed, the Father of All decided to send a bunch of his people on a new planet to colonize it. And your parents were part of the trip. Loki would never forget the heartbreaking farewell you had to do, abandoning him in a family where he didn’t belong. He was so angry at Odin, another reproach to add to the list… 

But the news of you comeback made appeared buried feelings. Joy, excitation and hope overwhelmed him so suddenly that he had difficulties containing them. 

“When will she come back?” Loki asked, trying to remain calm. 

“In a few hours. Father wants us to welcome her.”

Loki nodded and went to prepare himself. A few hours later, he was standing on the rainbow bridge, waiting nervously in front of the Bifrost. The wait didn’t last long and the boys held their breathes when a light appeared. 

You smile was immediate when you saw the two princes of Asgard standing in front of you. You walked towards them, trying to remain formal but you were bubbling with excitation inside. Your eyes landed on Loki first, your best friend. He grew up but he was still as you remembered him. He shy boy, reserved but loving. 

“Loki, what a joy to see you, my friend.” You said, hugging him tightly. 

“I’m happy to see you, Y/N.” Loki smiled, wrapping his arms around you. 

He still had this reassuring smile, and you realized how much you have missed him. Then, you turned towards Thor, and even if you were happy to see him, your reaction was slightly different. 

“Thor? Is that you? Oh my, you changed! Where is the feeble little boy I knew?” You giggle, surprised. 

“He grew up, and gain muscles too,” Thor answered, a bit embarrassed but with a big smile on his face. 

“By Odin’s beard, I barely recognized you!” 

Thor laughed and hugged you. The surprise on you face when you saw Thor, the way you noticed the changes in him, made Loki feel uneasy. Didn’t you notice changes in him? Hadn’t he changed at all? Was he still a little boy to you? Or did you just not paid attention to him?

He erased those thoughts of his mind and started walking beside you towards the palace. Loki thought it would be the occasion to catch up with you, to know what you were doing on your new planet but he was wrong. Thor got a hold of the conversation and never let it go. He told you his exploit one by one, and you seemed so interested that Loki never dared to interrupt. His uneasy feeling came back stronger. 

The day went in the same way. Thor monopolized the conversation and Loki staying quiet, behind. But what was making him so angry was the fact that you were listening so carefully to Thor, as if you were one of his dumb fans, laughing at each of his stupid jokes. He didn’t miss the way you were looking at him, the way your hands touched. The smiles you were exchanging were making him feel sick. 

Loki’s been jealous of his brother all his life, but he never thought he would be jealous because of you. He really hoped that for once, he’ll be better than Thor to you, that he’ll manage to win you heart, but once again, he seemed to have failed. Your beautiful laugh echoed in the room and when Loki looked in your direction, he saw you laughing at something Thor said. This show was making him feel sick, he couldn’t bear it anymore. He excused himself and left the room. 

You didn’t have the occasion to see Loki since you left, many years ago, but you still know him better than anyone else. So, when he left, you knew something was wrong. You excused yourself too and rushed after him. Almost running, you crossed the corridors in search of your best friend. After some minutes, you finally so a glimpse of his green cape. 

“Loki!” You exclaimed, trying to catch up. 

He turned slowly at the sound of your voice. He seemed angry but he was trying to hide it. You always knew how to read him. 

“Are you alright? You seem… concerned.”

“Don’t worry about him. You have to go back to Thor. I’m sure he’s waiting for you with great impatience.” He retorted quite aggressively, which surprised you. 

“Loki, I know you, I know that something wrong. Tell me.” 

“Oh, so now, you’re interested in me?” He laughed, sarcastic. 

“Of course I am. Why would it be otherwise?” 

“Oh please, don’t mock me. You didn’t give me a single glance since you came back. All you want to do is stay with Thor!”

“Are you… jealous?” 

Loki shut up. He knew that denying it will do no good. He was the god of mischief and lie but you were the only person he couldn’t lie to. He decided to confess. 

“Are you surprised? Since our first meeting, we’re inseparable. I hoped it’ll always be like so. You know, Y/N, the more we were growing up, the more I was seeing you like the woman you were going to become. I was hoping that one day, I'll…”

He didn’t dare to tell more, by fear of telling you his feelings for you. But you didn’t need words, you knew what he wanted to tell.

“You, more than anyone else, know that I was just living in Thor’s shadow. I was hoping to be finally better to your eyes. But, I saw you today, laughing like we used to…”

Silence fell in the corridor. You didn’t know what to answer to that. Then he continued. 

“It’s not your fault… It’s mine. I’ve been a fool to think that you’ll choose me over Thor.” He sighed. 

This time, you couldn’t stay quiet. You didn’t like to see him suffering like so. 

“Loki, do you know why I came back to Asgard?” You asked softly. 

“No…” He admitted. 

“Because I’m old enough to get married. It’s time for me to chose a husband. But, when my mother told me, I refused to stay on my planet. I begged her to bring me back to Asgard.” 

Loki was confused, but let you go on.

“My mother thought I wanted to find love in the city, but I insisted to go to the palace. And it’s certainly not for the pretty eyes of Thor that I came back…” 

Loki finally understood. You were talking about him. You were hoping to marry him. His feelings for you were mutual. He couldn’t believe it. 

“Be honest with me, Y/N. You don’t love Thor?” 

“I am honest. As you saw your feelings for me grow, mine grew for you too. Since a long time…” You smiled. “Thor’s always been a bit possessive, you know it, but he’s nothing more than a friend to me.” 

Loki smiled, reassured and happy. He took a step towards you, took your hands in his and put a kiss on the top of it while looking deeply in your eyes. You couldn’t help the smile on your face. 

“I’m going to court you as you deserve.” He smiled. 

“It shouldn’t take you long.” You laughed, happy as you never felt before. 


End file.
